My True and Complete Adventures as a Wannabe Voyageur by Phyllis Rudin

Author:Phyllis Rudin
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781988732138
Publisher: NeWest Press
Published: 2017-08-01T04:00:00+00:00

11

Morrie’s cryptic prodding to get me on the when case did me a good turn. It gave me a kick in the butt, pushing me to start thinking outside my self-pity box. The guy got me cranked up. I damn well deserved to know when. Christ, wasn’t it my life the bigwigs were screwing around with?

So now the only question was how to wring the information out of them. A full frontal attack on head office? Bold, but too risky. A move like that might just drive them to slap a padlock on the museum’s front door even sooner than they’d planned, fumigating their resident shit-disturber right out of the joint. No. Cagey was the way to play this, go at it more out of left field, get someone else to do the Mata-Hari-ing on my behalf. And I had the perfect candidate.

Life among purses had become a bit of a yawnfest for Mum, ever since she’d had a brush with glam at her counter, thanks to none other than Céline Dion. Now Céline, Quebec’s homegrown little cabbage, didn’t just walk in off the street. Uh-uh. That’s not how superstars operate, Mum explained to us after the fact, now that she was our household expert on the shopping habits of the rich and famous. What Céline had done, or one of her flunkies to be precise, was to book the entire store to stay open after hours for the exclusive use of her extended family. Considering Céline is the youngest of fourteen children, and that she was backed up by the full chorus line of nephews, nieces, cousins, husbands, wives, aunts, uncles, and hangers-on (that would be your nannies, your protection, your drivers, and your bag-toters), well you can do the calculations if you can count that high. Let’s just guesstimate that the full Dion clan out-populated PEI. It paid for the Bay to stay open overnight when these folks had cash enough in their pockets to unswamp medicare.

Anyway, according to Mum, it was somebody or other’s birthday in the family and they were all on the hunt for gifts. That’s what kicked off the whole outing. Now deep-pocket types like that, they don’t automatically think gloves or scarf like us earthlings. They might want to offer, say, a six-burner stove or a full dining room set with a sparkler stuck on top. Which is why every department in the store was staffed with its A-1 sales force ready to rake in the bucks. That included Mum, naturally. For her this was not the ideal shift. She was the very definition of a morning person, but the time-and-a-half they dangled in front of her was too tempting to pass up.

By eleven-thirty on Céline Night Mum was longing for her bed, but it was just at that low ebb that the chanteuse herself stopped by at Mum’s station. Her sudden appearance lit a fire under her and flicked her back to morning mode. The singer had her oldest son tagging along,

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